Many many moons ago I did a "translation" of a State of the Union address. I felt the need to do the same with the text of the press release from North Korea regarding their recent nuclear tests.
"The field of scientific research in the DPRK successfully conducted an underground nuclear test under secure conditions on October 9, 2006, at a stirring time when all the people of the country are making a great leap forward in the building of a great, prosperous, powerful socialist nation.
If by "great, prosperous, powerful" you mean "starving, disease-ridden, oppressed" I can go with that.
"It has been confirmed that there was no such danger as radioactive emission in the course of the nuclear test as it was carried out under scientific consideration and careful calculation.
We were very careful to use our patented "Little Dictator" geiger counter and everything. Really. And there was some math and stuff.
"The nuclear test was conducted with indigenous wisdom and technology 100 percent.
Quit saying China helped us. I didn't tell people when you copied off little Susie on the 5th grade spelling test, did I?
It marks a historic event as it greatly encouraged and pleased the KPA and people that have wished to have powerful self-reliant defense capability.
A few people keep moaning about "food" and "freedom" and crap, but they displayed just how encouraged they were when we pointed our SKS rifles at them.
"It will contribute to defending the peace and stability on the Korean Peninsula and in the area around it."
All your base are belong to us. That is all. Suckers.
Monday, October 09, 2006
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